Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
