Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
