No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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