I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
