I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
