i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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