If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
