peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
