Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
