just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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