i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
