my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
