i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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