I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Randomize
