my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My feet surprised me
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
