I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
