belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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