Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
