Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
