dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
