I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize