saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
