he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
