Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
