I can't watch pbs sober anymore
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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