i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
