A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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