Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
