Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
A bitchslap is in order.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
