I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
