dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
