I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
