what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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