omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
