I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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