I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
