I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
People in love make me want to vomit
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I came so hard my ears popped.
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