It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
