i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
