i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
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