you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
