Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
