Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
