i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
