I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
