Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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