he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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