i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
