when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize