My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
