she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
