I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
