Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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