Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
