Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
