Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
