Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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