I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
