Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
