Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
