I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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