His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
