new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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