What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We are two peas in an std pod
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize