I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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