bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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