ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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