Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
