my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
