I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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