Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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