Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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